My brain is a crazy place. It's like there's a constant raging echo going on in my brain that I focus on the now and my surroundings rather than how I'm really feeling. My feelings get pushed aside continually instead of being reflected upon. I know that's not healthy so I'm going to try to sit down more and clear my brain to analyze things...so here's an attempt.
There's a lot of things I'm scared about. One being that I'm not really sure what I'm going to do with my life. But this is the least of my worries as I do have some time to figure this out. My goal is just to get through college first.
I'm worried about some of the things going on in my friends' lives. I'm not sure how to help some of them, and I really wish I could.
My greatest worry is about my family. Sure we have some money problems right now but that's trivial. I'm worried about my brother. I'm worried he's hanging out with the wrong kids, that he's smoking pot and drinking. I'm worried about how violent my dad and Brandon are starting to become, that Brandon is going to resort to doing something crazy because of how crappy my father makes Brandon feel. That he's going to cling to something like the marines because he seeks some sort of discipline in his life and then going to get hurt in the war. I'm worried about how my family seems to be falling apart. That my parents are on completely different pages and if my dad gets his promotion and has to move up north, that my mom is going to use it as an excuse to get a divorce. I just feel like I'm the only one trying to cling to the fraying pieces of the family and hold it together. All this is really weighing down on me and these days I'm trying to spend my free time with my family...I'm just tired. My brain is tired.
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3 comments:
If you want to talk, just call me.
I know things are tough babe, but there is only so much you can do. Things will get better one way or another my love. I am here for you and am going to help you the best of my abilities. I love you with all my heart and always am here for you for whatever you need.
the impossible thing to do is to hold on to something which has to be gone
but trust in ur strength... things wont just magically be alright, but ur strength will help u get thru whatever it is that comes in ur way
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